MIA - sorry

Hi there

Have been a little MIA of late and need to get back into it. I have not fallen off the wagon just havent been doing at 100% but will get back into it again very soon.

Hugs

Kim

on track with a little detour or two 93.9kg

OK so I am tracking my food intake and have started my relationship with the treadmill again. This morning I weighed in at 93.9kg - I havent been below 94.8kg in a good 6 months so I am definately going to keep this up.

Hope your all well

Kim

OK so it happened.......................

I have officially had the breakdown I felt was coming.

In a nutshell, everything is too much for me at the moment and I seriously considered heading off into the cold night and never coming back - ever..

Erynn has been stomping all over my VERY LAST NERVE. BJ has been around a lot more this year which is awesome but she is still relying way too much on me and I am done with it. After a lovely dose of stomach cramps (thanks mother nature) on Thursday night, I was curled up in a warm bed asleep by 7pm. 15 mins later BJ was putting Erynn to bed and it went to shit from there. She kept yelling out for me and screaming at BJ she didnt want him and only wanted her mum. I had HAD ENOUGH after 20 minutes. I stormed out of our room (putting a hole in the wall with the door handle - WOOPSY), yelled at Erynn to get into bed then started in on BJ. After I had my say, I grabbed my car keys and took off. If I had taken my handbag with me, I would never have come back.

MY JOB - I have an awesome job with a government department and I love it but as I am only on contract, it has to be advertised and I need to apply for it like every other person. This stresses me out. Not only am I good at what I do, but these guys really like me and the way I do the job. I HATE replying to selection criteria - it seriously does my head in. Then there is the answering the calls of those enquiring about the job that I answer as my supervisor is the person looking after the queries - it was really hard not to say the job is taken, BUGGER OFF. So now I need to wait around and see if I at least get an interview. I hate this process.

MY WEIGHT - yep we are going to beat this dead donkey AGAIN. I am fat and overweight by about 20kg. Its a vicous cycle I am stuck in as I am an emotional eater. No specific emotion - ALL OF THEM.

Me 6 months ago about 5kg lighter than I am now.

I have a treadmill and crosstrainer, zumba dvd's and a husband willing to train me but I dont seem to be able to get my shit together.

I spent 2 hours last night going through my weight watchers stuff and am officially on the wagon again this morning. This afternoon, I need to nut up and use the equipment I have downstairsto get this body of mine into shape. Only I can fix this and it is not going to come off a quick as I want so I need to put my head down and huge arse up and JUST DO IT.

I have made a big decision - I am back on the happy pills again for a while. I am drowning and feel that I need some help to get on an even keel again.

I need to go and get some stuff done.

Onward

Kim aka FATTY BOOMBA

Time to get serious................ (95.2)

OK thats enough. This past weekend I actually did the exercise of putting al lthe clothes that dont fit me up on the top shelf in my walk in robe. These are mainly work clothes and nice clothes. I am ashamed to say that about 2/3 of my clothing now lives on the top shelf because I cant fit into them. I am talking about not being able to do up the zipper or the girls wont allow the buttons to be done up on gorgeous work suits. This is really confronting but a great visual way of proving to myself that the weight HAS TO GO.

I will be taking photo's of how bad it all looks tonight................

Is having herself a shit fit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK so the NO CHOCOLATE challenge lasted 4 days - not the 30 and I wanted. Its a wee bit stressful at work and home at the moment so I think 4 days is a great start.

I am going to include some photos of our new house and little cherub in this post as well as my fast self so get ready for PLENTY of photos.

A couple of fat photos first

This one is from Christmas Day last year

Yep thats little ole me and my fat rolls!!!!

Anyway, onto some better photos - my little cherub aka Princess Crankypants

Anzac Day 2010

And photos of our New House

Front view Kitchen

Main bedroom Office

I will add some more photos of the house tommorow - I think blogger is about to have a heart attack!!!!

3 days of NO CHOCOLATE (95kg)

Ok so today is day 4 with no chocolate and I am going JUST FINE!!!! Those around me have survived too - JUST!!!

We had a workshop for our branch yesterday and I didnt eat anything which involved chocolate although the guys I work with thought it funny to ENCOURAGE me too.

The best thing is that the scales are finally showing a positive in regards to this NO CHOCOLATE kick that I am on.

Still no chocolate and surviving......

Day one down (95.5kg)

OK so I stuck to my no chocolate challenge yesterday - trust me, Erynn almost didnt make it through!!!!

Meh (95.9kg)

OK so I am really good with PLANNING to loose weight but the execution is a whole other story. Am pleased with self for doing 3 PT sessions this past week, but I know that I could have done at least another 2.

My biggest downfall is my diet - the amount of chocolate that I eat on a daily basis is enough to keep a small country in the black!!! So from today my chocolate intake needs to be nil. Yep I am going to do a 30 day NO CHOCOLATE CHALLENGE. This is going to be really hard as BJ has just made a batch of his home made choccie truffles but its the only way to ensure that I take this seriously. Also, I am a total carbs girl. Yep I love my potato's, pasta and rice and its time to minimise these as well. I want to loose the weight and need to start making the right decisions to get myself there.

Be back later today

A little of track ................ (94.8kg)

OK so the last couple of days have been a bit rough due to work but all is good and I am getting back into the swing of things.

The scales were kind this morning so I will not be cranky with them. Just need to stay down under the 95kg and keep working towards 90kg.

Still on track but the number on the scale SUX

OK so maybe I shouldnt be getting on the scales EVERY morning but its the only way to keep myself on track. This morning, instead of saying GET OF FATSO, it told me I was 95.5kg. I am hoping that this is because my muscle tone is starting to kick in. I refuse to believe that it can be anything else as I have been fairly good the past few days. I even did another boxing session with BJ last night and really put some oomph into the punches - even BJ commented about it.

OK time to get the day started..............................

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM will update at home later tonight. Need to get a few things of my F cup sized chest - bahahahahahahah!

mmmmmmmmmm (95.2)

OK so I didnt behave as well as I should have yesterday but today is a whole new day and I will be aware of what I am doing. My first step was to resist going to the shops on the way to work - I needed some porridge for breaky but new that if I went that I would spend money on food that I shouldnt be having at the moment. Settled for a couple of slices of burgen bread toast and vegemite instead - Kim = 1 point, bad food choice = 0.

Will be back later

Doing ok so far - have had a lovely grilled fish and salad sandwich on grain bread for lunch and feel really good. I am doing another boxing workout with BJ this afternoon.

OWIE OWIE OWIE (95.3kg)

OK so I am DEFINATELY feeling the ab muscles under the spare tyre. Yep Zumba is awesome and I LOVE IT. Its going to hurt for the next couple of times but its going to work for me. The thing is its not JUST my ab muscles but my obliques that have been worked also. I couldnt roll over in bed last night without biting my bottom lip first!!!! I am loving this feeling of knowing that I am working and hopefully toning it all up. After my boxing/kickboxing lesson on saturday and zumba yesterday today will be a nice walk on the treadmill to stretch out the leg muscles which are certainly feeling the burn. Zumba has my legs are feeling a tad sore.

Be back later

Bugger Damn and Blast. I have just eaten an entire pack of white chocolate covered strawberry bullets. FFS - that is the last of them and I wont be buying anymore. If you are totally serious about losing the weight stop doing this to yourself and get serious. Am off to decide how to combat this little shit fit - ZUMBA or treadmill??????

ITS ZUMBA BABY

Yep, I did Zumba again and LOVE IT. I did it for 30 mins and stuck within my Heart rate limit (130-140) and earnt 230 calories. This is something I can definately keep up - even Erynn was wiggling her but beside me.

Weight this morning was 95.3kg - its a starting weight and shows that I need to lose 20kg's.

I have had a great day. Washed the dogs and the car. Made a chicken and spinach lasagne for dinner and zumba'ed my but off.

Hope your all having a great weekend

Kim

A time to be honest with myself

Ok then after a shit nights sleep and a very grumpy start to the day, I took myself of to my bedroom to finish The Carrie Diaries and managed to inhale most of the large bag of chips that I dragged in there with me - WTF was I thinking!!!!!! Once again, I ate my emotions instead of just curling up and having a snooze which is what I really needed.

BJ is taking me for a boxing lesson this afternoon so I will be back after that with a report as to how I went and I will have some "start" photos.

OK have just spent 30 mins with BJ wear he had me boxing and kickboxing. I am sure that we all remember getting ourselves to the part in Biggest Loser where we need to take ourselves outside to PURGE what is in our stomach? Yep, I got to that point. I had to sit for a minute and regroup but I did get back up and finish the session. We had a good laugh at me boxing and BJ taking a swipe so that I had to do a squat. He connected with me only once which had us laughing like silly buggers.

Before the session I had asked BJ to take a couple of photos of me so that I have visual proof that I am officially a boomba - all 95kg of me. There we go. Its out there and yes I am embarassed but it means I have to do something about it.

I will upload these when I can make them (the photos) a little smaller so that blogger can handle them.

Hope your all having a great weekend

Kim

Get my shit together................

Ok so not only have I been lazy in keeping this blog up to date but my inability to get in and start this "lifestyle change" has really started show no only physically but mentally. I am not a nice person to be around and my self loathing is hitting an all time high. Plus the amount of clothes in my wardrobe that I cant fit into has rapidly overtaken what I can fit into.

So along with a couple of other top tarts, Briony and Chris (from Diet Coke Rocks) I am getting back into this. I have a treadmill, crosstrainer and punching bag (no not BJ) at home and need to start using them. BJ has taken PT lessons at work before and is more than happy to help me I just need to start.

I am also going to open this blog to the public hence the reason why there WONT be any half-naked "before" shots of me although I will take a couple of photos in my PT gear so you can see where I am starting from.

Hugs to all

Kim

I cant believe that.............

OK I cant believe that I have allowed myself to get to this point. I weighed in yesterday morning and 95kg flashed up on the screen of my uncooperative and nasty scales. My lack of time on the treadmill and my latest obsession with chocolate covered bullets is certainly not helping the cause at all. I am an emotional eater - no specific emotion triggers it as I am not biased. They all make me eat. So, with my 34th birthday on Tuesday I have made the decision to make myself a priority. Everyone else always comes first but not anymore. All I want is the 30 minutes a day to exercise and get down to a decent weight. I need to loose at least 20kgs.

I quit the job I was in as I was being asked to do things that I was not comfortable with. It involved a $20 millon dollar budget, a conflict of interest and serious reprecussions for anyone involved. I was not prepared to compromise my integrity and set the CEO up for an arse kicking for someone ele's benefit. I handed in my resignation and spent a good few hours with the CEO begging him not to sign off on the budget as there are too many inconsistensies that I cant explain and that the project manager is not forthcoming with. They were very upset to be loosing me and the CEO asked if there was an Executive Assistant available would I go back and I said yes. The best thing is that I am already ensconsed in another job wth the Bureau of Statistics and hope that this works out. There is no shortage of work in Canberra for a good EA so I had a heap of offers before making my decision.

The other great news is that we have bought a house. Yep we are loving canberra so much that we decided to start looking for a house to buy. That same week the one across the road went up for sale and we decided to go and have a looksee. Its 3 bedroom 2 bathroom upstairs with a 2 bedroom unit downstairs for any vistors. Its a home that we plan on staying in for quite a few years to come. It settles on March 31st and the only thing that needs to be done is new carpet. We have organised for this to be done the day after settlement. I will add some photos of the house in the coming weeks.

Hope your all well

Kim

Hello Hello

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. I have decided to become an Intimo Consultant. Intimo are a great Australian company that sells fabulous lingerie at great prices and they go up to a size 24F. There is nothing better than being properly fitted for bra's by a professional and feeling comfortable in them. The company encourages women to run there own business with support from a great team of people in melbourne. Jump on the website (www.intimo.com.au)and let me know if your interested to hold a party and score some great hostess benefits.

I am heading home tomorow to check on my dad. He was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer just before christmas and I want to go and physically check on him myself. Am looking forward to the trip.

Erynn's 3rd birthday is at the end of this month. I cant believe its been 3 years already. Most of you lovelies have been a part of my life since B.E - before Erynn and your friendship, guidance and support are immeasureable. The gorgeous Chris from Diet Coke Rocks is making a gorgeous duck for her 3rd birthday present and i am so chuffed that its being made by someone who has had a positive impact on my life with regards to motherhood. If I can be half the fabulous mum that Chris is then Erynn will turn out OK!!!!!!! Pop over to Chris' website and have a squizz - they are gorgeous and I was the first one to order a couple off her.

Anyhoo, better do some work

Kim

WOOHOO and oh shit

Ok so the WOOHOO is for the biggest loser starting again tonight. I am really excited because I am going to do this this year. I intend on spending an hour working out 5 days a week. This is something i am really going to give a good shot to this year as i really have to do this. I have reached 92kg again and I am not happy with myself. I have all the stuff and information I need to be able to do this but I need to get off my arse.

The OH SHIT part is that a friend of mine has become a little too high maintenance and I really dont have the time or patience for the shit anymore. Its too much and I am really over it.

I also have a really good bit of news but cant tell you yet. Things are in the works but I want to tell you when I am 100% sure.

Hugs

Kim

YAY ME

Ok so I finally did it. Yep I jumped on the treadmill this evening. I did 15 minutes and even managed to do some running in there. Feels pretty awesome to know that there is still a fit chick in there screaming and pushing her way back out. Erynn really wasnt happy that i was on there so I thought 15 mins was a good start. Bj is going to start taking Erynn for a walk so that I can get on there for at least 30 mins.

Anyhoo, I am trying to get my mind in the right place and for some reason the saying "fake it til you make it" keeps coming through. So thats exactly what I am going to do. Behave as though I am a size 12, feel like I am a size 12 and know that i am going to be a size 12.

Its going to happen ladies.

Kim

Lack of sleep doesnt make for good choices

OK so I made the executive decision yesterday that Erynn was no longer going to have a bottle. She was having one before bed then whenever she needed during the night. I was over her chewing down the teet and going in to milk all over the sheets in the morning. I popped her into bed at 7pm and she spent the next 2 hours in hysterics. It wasnt until 9.15 that she fell asleep then she was awake again at 11.30 and spent the next hour crying. At 12.30 I went in and told BJ to get me some nurofen and the rescue remedy. Once she had these she went to sleep and we didnt hear from her until 6.30 this morning. I am existing on 5 hours sleep at the moment.

One my way to work I called in and grabbed some naughty foods and a lean cuisine for lunch. Funny thing is i ate 1 small choccie bar but consumed 3 coffees and a diet coke. I dont drink coffee but so needed it today.

Work was intresting. My new boss arrived after only being told yesterday that he wasnt going to have a full time PA. Not a happy man, He was lovely to me but really let the HR manager know he is PISSED. So I am going to do my best at helping him realise that this is a good thing.

Hugs

Kim.

Still Planning

Well I am still in planning mode.

Some good news though. I received my first "promotion" at work. Originally I was meant to be a Program Assistant to a Program Manager. I have now been moved up to Program Manager to a Program Co-ordinator. All within 7 days days of me working there. I am very good at wht I do but obviously I have impressed them. LOTS of work coming up. There is a $20 MILLION dollar project that my co-ordinator is developing and I will be looking after the admin side. My first thought when I head the 20 Million was "Damn thats a lot of shoes and bags!!!!!!". Yep, I am a chick through and through!

Hope your all enjoying your weekend and I will post again in the next couple of days with more.

Love

Kim

Hello and G'day

OK so I have decided to open a blog again. The reason for this is that I am going to make some really good changes in my life and I want to document what I have been through, what I am experiencing and what I want for my future. I am so excited about all the possibilities. Also, the reason I have invited you all into my world is because I have known you all for some time and love your humor, wisdom fabulousness. I know that when I need support your all there with it and in such a way that I never feel as though I am being judged, just loved.

Anyhoo, I have made the decision to really make an effort with regards to my weight. I have not been happy with it for quite some time and the only person that can change things is me. No-one else but me. I am in control and need to be held accountable. We own a treadmill and cross-trainer and last year I bought the Zumba pack. I know what I need to do I just need to do it.

We are now settled in Canberra and loving it. I have an awesome job that is paying me an awesome wage and am so excited about the new challenge. It's a government position (thanks to the aussie tax payer for paying me!!!) and its in an interesting area. BJ and Erynn are doing really well and will start at their respective work places this coming monday.

Over the next few days I will be adding more to my blog and adding a few photos so that you know why I need to make changes.

Hope your all well

Hugs

Kim