on track with a little detour or two 93.9kg

OK so I am tracking my food intake and have started my relationship with the treadmill again. This morning I weighed in at 93.9kg - I havent been below 94.8kg in a good 6 months so I am definately going to keep this up.

Hope your all well

Kim

OK so it happened.......................

I have officially had the breakdown I felt was coming.

In a nutshell, everything is too much for me at the moment and I seriously considered heading off into the cold night and never coming back - ever..

Erynn has been stomping all over my VERY LAST NERVE. BJ has been around a lot more this year which is awesome but she is still relying way too much on me and I am done with it. After a lovely dose of stomach cramps (thanks mother nature) on Thursday night, I was curled up in a warm bed asleep by 7pm. 15 mins later BJ was putting Erynn to bed and it went to shit from there. She kept yelling out for me and screaming at BJ she didnt want him and only wanted her mum. I had HAD ENOUGH after 20 minutes. I stormed out of our room (putting a hole in the wall with the door handle - WOOPSY), yelled at Erynn to get into bed then started in on BJ. After I had my say, I grabbed my car keys and took off. If I had taken my handbag with me, I would never have come back.

MY JOB - I have an awesome job with a government department and I love it but as I am only on contract, it has to be advertised and I need to apply for it like every other person. This stresses me out. Not only am I good at what I do, but these guys really like me and the way I do the job. I HATE replying to selection criteria - it seriously does my head in. Then there is the answering the calls of those enquiring about the job that I answer as my supervisor is the person looking after the queries - it was really hard not to say the job is taken, BUGGER OFF. So now I need to wait around and see if I at least get an interview. I hate this process.

MY WEIGHT - yep we are going to beat this dead donkey AGAIN. I am fat and overweight by about 20kg. Its a vicous cycle I am stuck in as I am an emotional eater. No specific emotion - ALL OF THEM.

Me 6 months ago about 5kg lighter than I am now.

I have a treadmill and crosstrainer, zumba dvd's and a husband willing to train me but I dont seem to be able to get my shit together.

I spent 2 hours last night going through my weight watchers stuff and am officially on the wagon again this morning. This afternoon, I need to nut up and use the equipment I have downstairsto get this body of mine into shape. Only I can fix this and it is not going to come off a quick as I want so I need to put my head down and huge arse up and JUST DO IT.

I have made a big decision - I am back on the happy pills again for a while. I am drowning and feel that I need some help to get on an even keel again.

I need to go and get some stuff done.

Onward

Kim aka FATTY BOOMBA

Time to get serious................ (95.2)

OK thats enough. This past weekend I actually did the exercise of putting al lthe clothes that dont fit me up on the top shelf in my walk in robe. These are mainly work clothes and nice clothes. I am ashamed to say that about 2/3 of my clothing now lives on the top shelf because I cant fit into them. I am talking about not being able to do up the zipper or the girls wont allow the buttons to be done up on gorgeous work suits. This is really confronting but a great visual way of proving to myself that the weight HAS TO GO.

I will be taking photo's of how bad it all looks tonight................